very upset

Well thank fuck for that! I have finished my stretch of night shifts now, it was painful! I was so irritated with my patient this morning, he kept tapping his suction tubing on the side of the bed to get my attention and I felt like wrapping the tubing around his neck!
I am feeling very upset and feel like cutting up my legs, I have some new craft knifes which would do the job just nicely :( Well the thing is, one of the girls at work had been to Halifax bank yesterday and got some 'Howard' glasses, the lenses that make your eyes look massive. Well, they all had them on and they were all saying they were my glasses. I put them on and made a joke and said ' yeah these are my new specs, I've had them thinned down so my eyes will look smaller in them' They were all laughing but I felt like killing myself at that moment. How the hell am I supposed to ever feel good about myself when I constantly look like a fucking geek with magnifying glasses strapped to my fucking head??? (don't usually swear but I'm so frustrated) I just feel like an ugly freak and it's never going to change. I guess it is a question of accepting myself for who I am , as I can't have laser eye treatment, I can't wear contact lenses, but I just feel so ugly and awful. I'm actually going to choose some new specs today with my mum, but even when I pay 100's of squid for the thinner lenses I cannot get away from the fact that to enable me to see, things need magnifying, and in turn my eyes will be magnifyed. Well at least I aint blind eh?
On a lighter note, I lost 4lbs at weight watchers, these diet pills may be bad for me but what the hell, they are working :D
Time to visit the land of nod. I see can see my blog becoming quite swearsome, I don't know what blogs are supposed to be like and I don't know if I'm doing it right. I hope no-one I know finds it, I wonder if they will be able to find it somehow.. hmm..