back from my trip

Got home about 4pm Wednesday afternnon, had a little rest then had to go to work on the night shift. Tired and hungover I have felt like shit all night. My trip has been filled with anxiety, but I have been trying my best not to let it show, trying to keep happy and have a good time when I felt like staying in bed and hiding. So, when i got home, I relaxed my body and brain, and whoosh, depression flooded over me. It's like I've been fighting fighting fighting negative thoughts and feelings for 4 days, and as soon as I let my guard down slighty, depression engulfs me and I can't shake it. I've been eating uncontrollably , I mean way out of control. Pies, pizza, sandwiches, bread, cheese, chocolate, every half hour there has been something going down my gulet. My diet has screwed up , if I could sick up this sandwich / scotch egg and cheese and onion pie I have just scoffed, I would. I have been thinking about slashing up my legs all night, like I couldn't wait to get home and slash my legs up. But I know my fella would end it with me if I cut myself again. I just don't know where to put this negativity. Why am I eating so much? It can't be to make me feel better coz it makes me feel worse, but I can't stop!! I am going to bed now, I don't want to wake up , I really do not.