day off

Yay at last a day off after 7days. The week just got worse as it went on, praps as i got more tired. Yesterday i was on with a bunch of people who's auras totally clash with mine. One lass who has been there 2 mins and thinks she is a sister. She seems to know how to do things that are usually only a sisters job and she has been on paid for courses that other people who have been there years have not done. It really pays in this life to have a big gob, being quiet gets you nowhere does it? pah - so that's me being left on the bottom rung of the career ladder while the loud mouths fog horn their way past me!
Anyway, yesterday I had to put a catheter in a patient and I had not done this for 7 yrs, and I needed a bit of guidance, and it was 2 junior nurses (including bolshy) who were helping me. I felt a real dick head, in fact it was her making me feel like a dick head. Some people are not supportive , they seem to delight in making you feel like a prat.

Anyway, the highlights of my week. Went to spiritualist church on Thursday. Managed to say a few words to someone i didn't know, granted, she started the convo. I need to practice starting convo. She said something about me hogging the radiator (when we were having a tea after the service) I said I was chilled to the bone. She said that I must be sensitive to spirits- pah (yeah vodka makes me sick) but, in the service I said to my friend 'cold innit?' she said she was fine and even had taken her coat off. i felt like i was in a fridge and kept looking round for an open window as I was feeling icy draughts on me.
That night I found I'd lost 3 and a half pounds at weight watchers - I'll see if i can match that next week, I dunno as I went over my points last night as me and T were having some champagne :0) He has won a trip from work to paradise island in the Bahamas for 3 nights, long way to go for 3 nights. Should be fun, though there are 3 other couples from his work going so we will have to mingle with them , PAH, I won't mind after a few complimentary cocktails tho will i? heh heh. It says on the itinerary about a fancy dress beach party one night- does that mean the women in grass skirts n stuff I wonder, and then a formal dinner one night which may mean a dress, best get on the slimfast!!

BIIIG sigh

eeeeee I feel pap. In the middle of a 7 day stretch at work. Not wrote on this blog for a while as , well, there is nowt to say. Just work sleep, work sleep. I had planned to do some housework inbetweeen but I have just been feeling totally washed out. Got home from work yesterday, thought I'd do a bit of cleaning up, have a shower then go out for tea. Well had A bath 1st at 4pm as was feeling grimy, then lay down for 5mins - woke up at 9pm! No housework done. Pfft.
I just feel really run down, I have an itch and dryness all over me which is making me feel a bit poo, my hands are full of a very sore lurgy which I cannot get rid of as I keep having to wash my hands at work and make them worse. I just feel lethargic, cancelled my shrink appointment today as I couldn't be bothered with her, couldn't be bothered talking about the same old crap.
Feel a little better having shaved my legs and pits yesterday, but I feel in need of a good pampering session and a good basting with some high potency moisturiser.
Pffft. May have a small beer now if i have enough weight watchers points left, if not it will be a diet coke.

Thursday

Dragged myself out of bed and went to the dentst. i was worried about a bit of tooth that had snapped off but he said it was ok to leave it.I asked him to replace some fillings at the front which are going discoloured and I am obsessing about, he said no as they are 'structurally fine' and he would have to make the fillings bigger if he replaced them. He then scaled all the plaque off my teeth at the bottom, i dunno how it builds up when I brush my teeth all the time. Anyway, it hurt so much I almost passed out, I had to think of nice thoughts to take my mind off it.Then i went shopping , I got a new keyboard which I have not yet connected & various other tolietries and stuff.
In the afternoon I went to a spiritualist church with my friend. She knows I have been feeling low and she must think I need a bit of devine inspiration. My teeth were still throbbing. Well, we went in and i was terrified, i hate going in new places with new people! The lady and fella sat there said ' you look scared to death' I just sort of squeaked at them. We went in the main church & everyone was very friendly & chaty, didn't stop me feeling anxious as fuck though! We had to sing a hymn -arrrgh, then this meduim came on stage and started talking to the spirits. She came to my mate and started waffling on, she said 'I am getting teeth, feels like I have a really sore face, do you know what I'm talking about?' My friend said no. The medium told her to watch out for someone close to her complaining about a sore mouth. I thought 'fuck me - that's me!' spooooookyyy :-D
Went to weight watchers in the evening - 6 pounds YAY! Oh wait , 6 pounds ON! Fat cow.

had to cut off before - as I was writing my blog my friend texted me saying she was waiting outside. We have been to the pictures to watch final destination 3. I was relieved when she suggested we have a drink in the bar before the film - I thought a wine may relax me- all it did was make me want to wee. Conversation was so hard for me - I enjoy being out- but it is sooo hard. I often think - it would be easier to just never socialise again - but I don't want to become a recluse (again!) 1000 anxious thoughts per minute flitting through my head making it impossible to engage in 'normal' one to one convo. I thought my shrink would help me get over this - all she does is talk about my past and how bad I am feeling - ok but I want some practical help on how to deal with my thoughts and get through situations like this so I don't end up avoiding them or making a hash of them.

weary wednesday

Shit wednesday.
I feel myself getting into bad habits and sliding further down into that pit called depression.I have been on 4 night shifts which doesn't help me with my body clock issues. I had a really good 4 night shifts - on with a good crowd. I laughed - the type of belly laughs that make your eyes water - it's great when that happens - one of the best feelings ever. I don't even know what we were laughing at - somthing only funny at 4 in the morning probably.
Anyway, after finishing nights tuesday morning I got to bed about 09-30am, then had to get up for shrink at 12pm. Went back to bed about 3pm-ish as was fooked - til T came come at 6pm. I was in a good mood - cracking jokes all the time (yes I can even crack jokes when I want to) - we drove to Preston to pick up a parcel of his - we went to pc world to find a new keyboard for me. He has bought this £7 shitty on which I can't type proper with - the shift key is stiff. Anyway - no keyboards i like (I want a funky one). Then we went looking at dishwashers & big plasma tellies - booooorrrriinnnnggg- ok so the tellies were impressive. T will have £7000 of his loan left after the kitchen is done - he wants a telly with the money - I said NO WAY. One of them huge tellies would just look silly - they are almost as big as the living room itself!! I cannot ever justify spending over £2500 on a telly - which is how much this one was he was looking at was. There is totally nothing wrong with the one we have got. I wouldn't mind but we hardly watch telly.
Well - T went away - away for 2 nights and i was awake and feeling lonely and getting down. i had 4 bottles of stella and then started on the vodka - didn't have a huge amount but enough to make me stagger. I was up til about 6am. Had some garlic bread - which has totally fucked up my diet. What was i doing til 6am , i was in chat rooms and stuff. When I am down I spend more time online and migrate into myself. if I have not wrote on this blog for a while it is probably coz i have been feeling better. (bastard shift key aint doing my capitals!)
Well - I woke up today at 3pm -ish, feeling CRAP and i mean crap, not really a hangover as i didn't really drink all that much - but just so down , with a terrible thirst on me. Fooked around on computer for a wee while then went back to bed. What a productive day ;/......................................................................................................
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Departure
Mother woke me up at 06-45am on our departure day - the plane wasn't til 3pm but she was flapping as I had expressed my concern about finding my way aroung Rome airport. Anyway, we got the train to the airport and arrived 4 hours before check in - bored is not the word. I had some magazines with me but my eyes were too tired to read them.

When departing the plane in Brussels for change-over i fell over and injured myself - my hand was very very painful - I thought it was broken, and I still have a bruise on my knee. Still, at least not many people saw. I went to look round some shops leaving my mother in a bar having a fag - on my return she had pulled this fella from Helsinki :-) she must've asked him for a light and he thought his luck was in heh heh.
On arrival in Manchester the plane couldn't land coz of snow and they had to clear the runway - I didn't like circling round but I had to stay calm for mothers' sake.
The drive back to my house by means of my dad was scary - he can't drive at the best of times - let alone in terrible conditions when he doesn't know where he is going!
I got home and I was spaced out and knackered - my fella had got me a new pillow and a new bedspread while I was away as I had been moaning about a stiff pilow I had recently bought - it was good to get into bed.

anyway - where was I ? Ah yes.
finished on the tour bus and went back to the hotel. Mother was moaning as it was our last day and she had not bought a snow shaker (she collects them for anyone reading) and she hadn't bought presents for my nieces & my dad. So we went to get on a bus to find the nice shopping road we had seen previously. I got us on the wrong bus - ended up cramped up for half an hour, find ourselves at the end of the line, way out of the centre of the city near a train station - very quiet area - felt dodgy, luckily the bus soon turned round and we went back to the hotel.

That night we had planned to go on a night-time walking tour of the city at 9pm. We went to the church where the meeting place was, and waited and waited and waited. There was a lass there who looked like she may have been a tour guide, but I didn't want just me and my mum to be on the tour so I didn't approach her. So bollox to the tour. We had a little stroll and came upon campo di fiori - the square I was looking for in the day. It was buzzing with lots of little bars and people sat chilling (literally) outside them with drinks. I would've liked to have stayed round here, but mum didn't want to be getting on the bus back to the hotel late on.
We went looking for the eaterie we had been to the 1st day but couldn't find it. We found some nice little shops during our wander. Mum got her snow shaker and some other stuff. i got some funky pasta, all silly colours & some huuuuge pasta shells (which i have since stuffed).
Mum was pulling her face at various restaraunts i was suggesting as she is a fussy eater and didn't like the look of the menus. One we even got sat down in before she decided she didn't like it and we left. I didn't much like it in there anyway. We found one right near the hotel - mother said it was too expensive - I said 'I'll pay coz I'm not titting around walking the streets all night looking for sommat to eat'. Nice surroundings in there but the meal was a bit pants really. My tooth snapped a bit when I was using a tooth-pick , so that was it - i was in a fowl mood then. I think I was upset anyway as I so wanted my mum to enjoy herself and in the last half of the day I had took her on a pointless bus ride across the city & then took her on a non- existant walking tour!! I don't know why I was feeling responsible for the quality of time we had, but I was. And I was always worrying that she was getting too stressed all the time with getting lost and walking the streets at night and walking too far... i worry too much.

another fountain

and THIS is what i call a fountain. Bellagio hotel Las Vegas. Been here too - fabulous too!! wow. I was sat on a high wall next to this at night time waiting for the show to begin. All of a sudden the fountains started with a loud POP!! I jumped out of my skin and almost ended up in the water!

fountain

now THIS is what i call a fountain - in barcelona. I have been here - fabulously fabulous

As requested by F & B (poor bastard - you haven't read all my drivel have you? )

the trevi fountain

that must be trevi stood in the middle there.

I think I still had my camera on the crappy setting that i use for ebay pics. Don't know how to use it proper yet really.

I wish I knew what was in the biulding behind the fountain.

I don't reckon it was a fountain. More like a waterfall if you ask me. I think the legend goes, if you throw a coin in you will come back to rome - my euros stayed firmly in my pocket LOL.

Not really got the hang of this blog layout thing.

Next - the sistine but not sistine chapel

pics can't really capture the niceness of these places - which is why I wasn't gonna post any.

No pics of me F & B - I'm sure you are disappointed.

day 3
This day we went to see the pantheon - fabulous place - I am not into religion - but this church is just amazing to be inside. The way the sun shines through the open hole in the roof and makes its' mark on the sides of the place is quite beautiful. There was a bunch of people singing inside (i think they were a pilgrimage from somewhere and had spontaneously broke into song) anyway, it was quite nice. Sat for a while afterwards in the square outside the pantheon.

heh heh - forgot to say, on the way there on the bus, (we had found out that metro tickets worked on the bus too - you can't buy tickets on the bus like normal) I got off at one stop and the bus was so packed my mum failed to get off too. I turned round to see her getting trapped in the doors and then the bus drove off with a panicked mother on board. i was PISSSIN myself laughin in the street by myself - I must've looked like a mad woman. Anyway, we met up at the next stop.

After the pantheon we got a bit lost AGAIN trying to find a bus stop. Passed a ruin along one street and stopped to have a look. On closer inspection noticed it had loads of cats about it - loads. All different shapes, sizes and colours, they were lovely. The ruins looked like some kind of cat paradise, all sorts of nooks and crannies to explore. I have since found out the ruin is home to a cat sanctuary for unwanted moggies.
Finally got on the bus back to the main bus station & decided to get a tour bus round the city. While waiting for the next tour, went in a little eaterie to try & get mother a cup of tea - she was most disgusted when they gave her lemon with it instead of milk - & it was a right kerfuffle tryin to get milk in it! It's weird in italy, you go to the till and tell a till man what you are buying before you have actually got your food, so i could tell him I was just getting a brew- when actually I was gettting a brew & a cake.

The tour bus was a bit hard work as the pre-recorded commentry was a bit muffled - we couldn't make out a lot of it - tsk - but nice to have a ride round the city. Hopped off at one stop to go to campo di fiori (a nice suare that I had read about in my guide book) but could I find it - could I bollox. Had a maccy-D's and got back onto the tour bus. Passed some roman baths I wouldn't have minded having a look at but it was getting late in the day.


**must go to bed now**

day 2
Could hardly get out of bed - legs KILLING me! My hips - legs and knees were totally stiff and sore.
Skipped the exciting breakfast and set of for the vatican. We found our way to the vatican museums and had a look at all the works of art - we thought we were in the sistine chapel as there was some beautiful and I mean beautiful and spectacular works of art on the ceiling of this room - well it wasn't a room - more like a passageway. Took some photos but they don't do it justice. Then we saw some huuge tapestry things, amazing to think how long they would have taken to do and how much work ahd gone into them. Anyway, we went in a fair few rooms (and walked up many many steps) with wall to wall and floor to ceiling paintings, all very impressive, then we came across the REAL sistine chapel. Why it was special compared to any of the other chapelly type rooms I dunno. Infact it was perhaps the dingiest one. It smelled of poo for a start - it was packed with people, stale bodies and farts. It was really dark and dingy - only natural light through the windows and it wasn't very sunny. The guards in there did a loud shhhhhhh - as there had to be quiet in there - and my mum thought the pope was arriveing LOL. Well it was ash wednesday , so he may have come in to do a little prayer, but he didn't.
I wanted to see the egyptian art bit and the raphael rooms - but we were too hot by this time and we both felt we had weights strapped to our ankles - in short - we were fooked from the day before - time for some dinner and another panini thing - mum had a doughnut as big as her head - heh heh.

We then walked a bit to st. peters square, saw st. peters bascillica obviously and the little balcony where the pope comes out on the telly. The Q to get in the place was at least half a mile long. Sod that we thought. We saw some american ladies jump over a fence and push in right at the front - no-one batted an eyelid.
I can't rememeber where we were going next but I think we were trying to find the metro station - we got lost and ended up near this castle. We had a look in - hardly any info. telling you about the place (this seems common in Rome) but great views from the top. There was a well preserved toilet that was made for the popes of old - all decorated in sea shells - I thought it was very nice. I wondered if there was people employed to warm up the stone toilet for the popes' arse, then I wondered if there was sufficient light in there in the olden days, so that the pope could see the wonderful decoration. All the history that castle must hold within its' walls and i was fascinated by the shitter!! We had walked up yet more steps to the top of the castle - OUCH!
evening meal was a chinese next door to the hotel - quite pleasant - had some fried ice-cream , and of course more wine :)

p.m
Forgot to mention the city did not look any nicer in the daytime, still mucky with scary characters about the place.
Well, after the colloseum we took a metro & a walk to the trevi fountain. I was becoming increasingly amazed at my map readin skills. Through some little windy streets we went, lts of quaint little gift shops. I saw some beads in a shop and I worked out that you could pick a cord and thread X amount of beads onto it for a couple of euros - but I was too anxious to ask the man how many beads etc.. so i left without.
Almost got ran over by a road sweeper, then unexpectedly round a corner we met with the trevi. Nice fountain. Sat by it for a while til we got harrassed by street sellers. They were selling these squishy balls with faces on that could be moulded into different shapes, when my mum said no she didn't want one , he moulded a pair of tits onto it - my mum was disgusted heh heh.
We then thought we would have a walk to the spanish steps - where there was going to be a metro station that we could use to get back to hotel. So we walked and walked and eventually got to the spanish steps - erm - just a big bunch of steps - nowt exciting. There was a lot of renovation work going on in the area, and where the metro station was on my map, there was a cordened off area full of rubble in real life. So we walked back to the original metro closer to the trevi, and I mean we WALKED, first the wrong way up a loooooooong road, and then back again. Well we did pass some nice shops on the way, had a look in a few and I tried some stuff on. It was getting dark , i was worried that I wasn't going the correct way for the metro, but we found it in the end - phew.
Got back to the hotel - my legs were killing me. We had been moved rooms and HOOARY!!! MINI BAR!!!!! I sank a few vinos to rid myself of the leg pain.
We relaxed for a bit and unpacked and then went off out to find something to eat and perhaps drink. We didn't really enjoy walking about by ourselves in the dark. There were no bars as such, just eateries that also served drinks, like if you wanted a beer you would have to sit at a table like you were having a meal and get served by a waiter - this idea did not appeal to me. We found a small restaraunt to eat in - it was cheap but very tasty. We shared some wine - i didn't know my mum liked wine.

I am writing too much. Well, it is for my own reference, I could write even more but I shoul dgo to bed now. i am tired after my night shift and rather suicidal as it happens.

Day 1 - a.m

We went down for breakfast in the hotel - which was a table with one type of cereal on - dry bread - cheese slices - boiled eggs - butter & jam - and crappy orange cordial. Was a bit pissed off coz there was no clean tables.
Then we set off to the underground metro station to find our way to the colloseum. I was pleased I found which line we should be on, and we managed to buy our ticket and find our way down onto the train. We got on and we were going the wrong way - typical. Anyway, we eventually got to the right place, I was worried about finding the colloseum when we got out of the metro station but it was there looming over us as soon as we got outside. Weird seeing this famous building in the flesh so to speak, weirder seeing something so old in the midst of modern life - it looked somehow out of place, but very impressive. We had a walk round it first and up to the roman forum - whatever that is, there was nowt really explaining the history of it. Me and mum got collared by a man dressed in roman gear for our photo took - and got charged 5 euros for the pleasure - didn't come out too wel either, mother pressed the wrong button and mine didn't come out at all. There were tour guides outside of the colloseum, 18 euros to skip the half mile long queue and have a guided tour - so we did that, but the guide was shite - we couldn't hear her and what we could hear we couldn't understand what she was saying, even if we could hear I bet she would've been crap. What we did glean from it is that the whole building used to be covered in marble , I bet it looked quite impressive in its day. We had a scout round by ourselves then got a panini type thing from a mobile stand outside. Mother was moanin hers was to rubbery or sommat - half of mine went to the pigeons as I felt too fat if I ate it all. Then I went to a stall and bought my friend a pendant with the pope on, just to take the piss, as she works at a catholic school and acts all holier than thou to the kids and she is nothing of the sort. Anyway, turns out she has put this pope on the 'prayer table' at school - so my little joke has come to use.
I am too tired to write anymore now - I'm at work and am having my break - it is 0408am. I will put this online later. i am not exposing my blog at work! Hell no.

not done this for a while

Well - I was looking at my blog - reading back about my time in Dublin and feeling kind of glad that I wrote about it, as I forget things very easily. So, I thought I might make some notes on my trip to Rome - what I can remember of it.

27 - 02 - 06 - arrival
So I decided to take my mother to Rome. She had never been on a plane in her 65 years as my dad won't fly. I thought, if I don't take her on one, she will never get to fly.
So at 7am we set off to the airport. She was crapping herself all the way to Rome. I really thought she was not going to get on the plane at Manchester as she kept stalling. Unfortunately we had to change planes in Brussels as i couldn't get a direct flight. Mother was screeching and flapping every time the plane made a bit of a diferent noise. In fact - she flapped so much she could have flown direct to Rome without the plane. She wanted a cigarette as soon as we got to Brussels, so i was sulking as i had to sit in a dingy smokey cafe with her while she had one. She sent me to the counter for drinks. She was scared of speaking to these people as they 'spoke foreign'. I didn't much like speaking to them either.
Anyway. We arrived in Rome at about 8pm after catching the train from the airport, and the task was to find the hotel. I have never read a map in my life, I have always been on holiday with people who can read maps and don't mind taking the lead -- I am forever the sheep, so being the shephard was all new to me, and very stressful.
We got out of the train station and it was pouring down, I established which way we were supposed to walk to the hotel, so we trudged up this dirty, filthy, wet road with our heavy cases. I really thought we would not be able to find the hotel and we would end up getting attacked by one of the unsavoury characters that lined the streets. As if by some miracle the hotel finally appeared to us - much smaller than I imagined The area was really grotty looking with bin bags piled up etc - i thought perhaps it would all look better in the daytime when the sun was out.
I was scared to check in as I was thinking the man would claim that we had not made a booking and I would have to argue with him, anyway, he didn't speak much English but we got by. He put us in a room meant for 3 people and told us we would have to move rooms the next day, so we couldn't unpack. Once we had out stuff in the room we ventured out for something to eat. Amongst all the scary looking streets we saw a beacon of light - the golden arches of mcdonalds! We were too tired to be testing out our Italian speaking skills while having a leisurely meal in a scary restaraunt - so Mcchicken Sandwich it was. There were gangs of dark, menacing looking lads on the streets, we were frightened. There was a security guard on the mcdonalds door, we gathered it was a rough area. 2 girls came out of the toilets drugged up out of their heads. I wasn't enjoying myself.
We had an early night, on beds as comfortable as logs. I was led there thinking that a picture on the wall was moving - then my mum piped up that she thought it was moving and I hadn't even menioned it. So , that was me slepping with the light on then!!!