another night shift.......

.. another 10 hours of total hell, I feel so shit I could not even begin to describe why, for fear of plunging deeper into the darkest depths of depression. I don't think I suffer from social anxiety as i once thought, something very similar, social frustration. Getting frusrated that my low self esteem stops me from communicating with others normally. Yes , I would probably call it more frustration than anxiety (is thee a difference?) then the frustration leads to upset and sadness. Such is my frustration (not just due to my social interactions but other things I just can't bear to think about) _ that I have got a blade and I have it in my hand, I feel the frustration would be less if I cut myself , but I don't think I can stand the pain of it as I am tired and sensitive. I don't know what to do, I can't stand this , I see no way out apart from death, I wish I could kill myself.